Shame is one of those big bullies in life and most of us have spent more than a bit of time with it.
But no one can shame you. Shame is not in the words said. Shame is not even in the feeling behind the words or the actions of another.
Shame is an internal game only. You are the only one invited to your shame party. It’s is what you do with the words. It is how you perceive the feelings or the actions of the other. It’s how you play the scenario out in your head.
You are not alone. Shame is a learned behavior and most of us have learned it incredibly well. It has been lurking in the background for a very, very long time.
Some of its fellow gang members are Guilt, Failure, and Fear. And it is most likely to be found with its best friend Overthinking.
Yet, you are always the one with the power in your life. You are the one at choice.
You might find that you are in the middle of a terrific shame party complete with party hats and punch before you realize that you even walked through the door.
It’s okay. I encourage you to not add Regret to the invite list as well.
Start from where you are, go slow and be gentle with yourself.
Awareness, Remembering, and Gratitude are some of your best friends in this journey to freedom from shame.
Awareness that this is not where you want to be. Awareness that you can choose something else. Awareness that there are better feelings to be had.
Remembering that you have survived other difficult situations. Remembering there is good in life. Remembering what that good felt like before.
Then embrace Gratitude. Focus on something or several different things you are grateful for. Spend lots of time – I mean LOTS of time - in that feeling of gratitude.
This is a process. It sounds simple and from the outside it is. In the loud music and hangover portion of the party though, it doesn’t particularly feel like it.
But when you spend most of your time with your new friends - Awareness, Remembering, and Gratitude - you’ll spend less time with those bullies.